IPL is fine if you are a baby. I’m more badass than baby.

What the hell is IPL? INTENSE PULSED LIGHT.  IPL treatments are ok for some sun damage spots, but, I have some real painful shit for you if you have real deal sun damaged skin. As they say, no pain no gain. Let’s take a look at my disgusting skin adventure so far shall we ??  And yes there are nasty pictures.  We’ve gone over this … I am from Florida and I like to do Florida things. img_0450-1

When I was little, I hated that my Mom made me wear t-shirts and SPF 100 to the beach.  She even made me wear SPF in the part of my ponytails. Of course I did bend the rules when I was a teenager, but, I can count on one time the amount of real sun burns I have ever had while I was growing up.

As a grown-up, I go to the dermatologist regularly.  I make my own kids wear hats, SPF and rash guards (see above)  BUT IF YOU ALSO TAKE A LOOK AT THAT PIC you can start to see my issue.  My face is covered and pretty pale for boozer who has spent a week in the Florida sun.  But, look at my chest … beat red, no rash guard, I’m an asshole.

In all caps I’M AN ASSHOLE

There are Dermatologists who do BOTOX and microdermabrasion. Then, there are the Derms who run torture chambers.  They strip you down, they do skin checks between your toes and under your boobs and then they cut cancer off of you and send you home with weeping Band-Aids. ( I have seen it – gross man)   I somehow found a Derm who is right in the middle.  She does the full body skin checks… looking at all of your weird spots with a smile and polite chit chat, letting you know where you have been good and bad to your body.   Dr. Danielle DeHoratius is beyond sweet, then, she surprises you and pulls out a half torture move.  It’s fair to say that her moves will prevent the damage from turning into Cancer, but, you never see it coming with her.  No one wants Cancer, on the skin, in the boob or otherwise.  No one wants the full cutting weeping bullshit either. Dr.  DeHoratius is nice but relentless … she’s also a competitive golfer.  She wears SPF and covers up.  She is no dummy.

ARE YOU READY FOR THE PICTURES?

Before we begin, this whole deal is for people who have real deal pre-cancerous cells on their body. It’s called PDT  photodynamic therapy. You might have heard someone talking about the blue light skin cancer laser… it’s the same thing. Doctors use it to treat all kinds of cancer. This is also for us lucky ones who have great Doctors who have caught it early.  It sucks, but, I know it will make me healthier.  Ok … you want the pictures yes??

 

These pictures are from the first time I did this (about 7 weeks ago) The Dr. starts by putting a salve on you and then she applies that blue gel pack.  It’s heated and you sit there for about 30-45 minutes.  The salve is medicine. The gel-pack helps it sink in.  Then, the ‘real fun’ starts. They lower the giant ouchy thing on you.

 

The ouchy thing is like a giant iron that hovers inches away from your skin. It (a laser) hovers there for about 5 minutes. It’s job is to cook the gel-like medicine and fry your skin. (this is my explanation) I was beyond anxious about what it would feel like. What would happen if the heat was too intense and I moved or I cried or whatever I was going to do…  I literally brought the nurses Phillies t-shirts as a way to apologize in advance if I was a big fat crying squirming baby.

AND ??

  And, I did ok and I headed home to see what was in store for my chest and neck.

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That night I poured myself a glass of wine and waited to see what was going to happen.  My insurance did not approve the serious salve the Doctor wanted so she said she too was curious to see how it would go …   Peeling snake ? Crusting, oozing baby zits? Those were some of the exciting potential options in the days ahead.

The weird puss filled zits were itchy and only mildly painful.  But, this medicine did not do what my doctor wanted.  We did round 2 this week. DAMN YOU ROUND 2…

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   ROUND 2 WAS IMMEDIATELY WORSE

On round two she was able to get the more intense medicine approved by my insurance. The nurse was very happy to see me more way more squirmy and entirely uncomfortable. I am kidding of course … kind of … you know how nurses are weird like that.  The results were immediate. This is the picture I took to show my husband in the parking lot before I headed home.img_2129

Because round one was not that bad, I went to work the days following round 2. BAD IDEA. I have been in pain and unable to sleep. You have to seriously cover this shit up and that is itchy and yucky maneuver if you have to cover up and look cute for TV.  It’s Cinco de Mayo and Kentucky Derby weekend so at least I had hats to use for the cover-up !!

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I am now on day 4 days post ouchy thing.  Last night it was tough to sleep.  I just want my chest to do it’s “alien thing” and either go full bubble and blister or full scaly alligator puss move.  The doctor says for this…  there is no pain meds that will work. She advises cold compresses.  I advise cold compresses and a Negroni.

The bottom line is this…  Find a doctor that will check your skin.  Then listen to what that doctor has to say about fixing whatever is wrong.  My kids have watched this whole process.  I predict I will get a few rash guards for Mother’s Day and a refill on my Negroni ingredients. Little do they know I have to do a round on my face in the fall.  I’m definitely NOT going to work when that shit happens.  I will keep you posted on how it all turns out and I hope you guys do go and get your skin checked.  Any kind of cancer is a family killer.  This kind is really preventable.

 

 

One last thing … I have heard from so many of you. You have been so sweet about following and actually reading my blog.  Thanks for caring about the flawed, messy, potentially puss filled me.  I love the yelling, cursing,  Eagles and Wawa loving you …