Have a unicorn ? Works wonders !!

So, I think every kid growing up near an ocean needs to explore the water.  Looking for shells, walking on the hot freakin’ OUCH sand, and, yup, surfing !!  My daughter ( Who is growing up an hour away from the NJ shore) did not like the idea of the surfing … so, I forced her to try it !!  ( I’m an asshole Mom that way)

I tried it the easy way. I asked her buddy… seen surfing next to me to and convince her.  Some nice beach lifeguards also tried. But, at the end of the day, I bribed her to try it !! Yes, my friends the promise of a giant unicorn can work some serious magic.

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So where did I start? I tried to go it alone as SUPERMOM.  Landry Jane and I walked this huge board out into the surf. A wave came, she went flying, I stepped on an underwater crab and I screamed HOLY SHIT.  My sweet 9 year old was understandably terrified.  I have no pictures of her bawling her eyes out so I give you this cute picture of the “after”

… ohhh you want to how did we got to the surfing success after the nightmare start?

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Well, I found the right teacher.  Surfing can be scary. The waves can crush even the strongest, most brave swimmers. Plus, if you are someone’s parent, you likely already know you are ‘not eligible’ to teach that kid a new trick. ( I forgot that part)

Good thing I know a yoga teacher, surfer, nice guy named ANDY MAGNER.  He’s someone’s Dad.  But, not MY kids Dad. Plus, I promised her a giant unicorn.

Andy was (is) awesome.  He not only agreed to drag a giant ( easier to learn on) big board over to our side of the beach and work with my unicorn obsessed – yet – still terrified daughter.  He was calm and kind. As you can see, he talked her right into becoming the cutest 9yo surfer in our family.

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I don’t LOVE that I had to bribe her. But, I do LOVE that it worked. Discovering the ocean is a lifelong journey.  Overcoming a fear is something we all need to learn to do.  We can’t walk away from something just because it didn’t go right the first time.  How many times did it take to learn how to ride a bike?

Bribing your kiddos isn’t always the best way … but, sometimes it is the ONLY way.

face your fears

force your kids to do the same

you will thank me

promise …

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Yup … I am smaller than you think !!

 

So, the first thing I hear when someone meets me in person for the first time is … YOU’RE SOOOOOOOOOOOO TINY !! Well, I don’t feel tiny.  I feel loud. I feel obnoxious. I feel old, tired, less stylish, less sophisticated than most of my peers and friends.  But, being tiny has never worried me. Never impacted me. Nope, not even when my favorite interns are looking down on me like …………..

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I do think size matters. I can’t reach the shit in my kitchen that I need. I might have asked you to get something for me at the grocery store.  But, in terms of height … it has never impacted me in the confidence department.  Here’s the crazy thing … I think being smaller than most adults makes me more adventurous.  I’m not afraid to jump on top of stuff.  Yes, typically I ask permission first!!

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It’s a no brainer that I am shorter than some of your favorite basketball players.  These guys have back problems because of years of trying to fold themselves into the seats in airplanes.  Plus. aren’t you SUPPOSED TO BE TALL to play basketball??

 

 

 

Bottom line, commenting my height has always puzzled me. And ladies and gents, here’s the craziest part of it all.  My daughter? She is going to be VERY TALL.

People are already telling me “don’t let her play basketball because she will be labeled as a tall girl”  WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT ?? Does it look like my sweet but tall Landry Jane is sad because she is taller than her adorable awesome pal Marley ?? I was stunned when someone first said that it was ” too bad” she was ” soooooooooo tall”

 

With all of the real issues I could have with a kiddo. (born with one arm etc) I am NOT going to apologize for having a “tall girl” in the family !!  Here’s today’s message … height does not matter.

As I have said before… kindness matters.  Do you have wine in the fridge ?? THAT IS AN ISSUE THAT MATTERS TO ME !! Here’s to the tall girls and the tiny.  Let’s kiss the big guys and the smaller ones. Cheers to all of us … big – small and somewhere in between !!

 

 

Nice is not boring …

So, here in the Philly area it’s a wet soggy crappy morning.  It’s Memorial Day weekend and all we want is some ‘friggin’ sun’ … it’s kind of like friendship.

I want a nice, fun, smiling supportive group of buddies. Not a crew of high maintenance diva back stabbers.  I crave nice girls in my personal life because my work environment is not always “girl friendly”.  A TV newsroom can be like a beauty salon mixed with middle school.  Everyone is so unsure of themselves and yet they want to be the most popular, the smartest and, of course, the prettiest. (even the men)  There are anchor women who will tear you apart just tossing to the weather guy when it was “their turn”  I have tons of terrible “girl on girl” stories of how female co-workers tried to destroy me and my reputation.  But, today I want to deliver a ray of light ladies.

Years ago SHEINELLE JONES and I were hearing about a third woman talking about us and some of the other women in the newsroom.  Sheinelle is one of the nicest and most candid women I know.  I looked at her in the make-up room and I said how about we try “no girl on girl crime”?  I said if enough of us think it’s cool to be nice to each other … the one or two mean girls will have to see it and try to be nicer… right?  I don’t throw it out there a lot because it can be hard to explain.  But I was recently talking to women who star in the movie “OCEANS 8”     img_1788

I said ” YOU GIRLS TOTALLY HAD EACH OTHERS BACKS IN THIS MOVIE… LOOKS LIKE THERE WAS NO ‘GIRL ON GIRL CRIME’  The women you see pictured above … Sandra Bullock , Mindy Kailing and Sarah Paulson  instantly got it !!  Sandra said, ” that should be a t-shirt”

It’s not always easy to be nice.  There are days when even my closest friends piss me off. But, on those days, I use a direct approach and a sprinkle of kindness. Hey, your pictures on FACEBOOK looked so nice, I wish I was invited to that party … blah blah blah  Sheinelle and I were soooo straight with each other that I could say, ” I am so jealous that you get to do such and such … but make sure you wear this dress”  I was willing to admit that I was jealous , but, instead of destroying her opportunity I was also willing to help her make the best of it.  When I see her looking fierce on THE TODAY SHOW I tell her.  When Kathy Orr ( our FOX 29 weather anchor) looks great … I send her a text during the 6pm news.  Sue Serio has a great outfit on ? She gets a text too !!

As women it is our responsibility to help each other … being nice is not boring !  It can be so damn fun to see your friends win.  I love women who are getting attention for the positive cool stuff they are doing.  I do like when my friends say nice things to me.  I also like it when they are willing to show me where I have made mistakes.

It’s easier than you think … and , by the way, our sons and daughters are watching.  It’s one thing to say ” be nice”  It’s quite another to set a regular example.  Remember, NICE IS NOT BORING.  Ride the roller coasters … just wait your turn… be nice even during the craziest days.

BEHIND THE SCENES OF A TV INTERVIEW … IT’S NO FAIRYTALE.

So, as I was watching the ROYAL WEDDING today I was reminded what a ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS it is to try to look cute.  Last week I primped like it was my ROYAL WEDDING … Diddy, Fergie, Taraji and Ryan Reynolds were in my future and I was determined to look less carpool more …. well, less carpool.  Step one hair and skin. ( see below)

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Yes, I went and had a face scrub aka dermawhatever at DEME.  Then, Rosa at Salon Rosa M in Narberth cut in some layers … she later called to see if I was able to do my hair with these new layers.  A sign that she has zero faith in my glam skills.  Next I spray tanned and got some eyelash extensions at CRYOMYST THERAPY LOUNGE in Haverford. My kids asked if I was auditioning for Jersey Shore Grandma division. KIDS – YOU SUCK !!

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It was A LOT of primping. The most primping , scrubbing, lotion-ing I have done since … well … it’s been awhile.  Why am I telling you all this ? The point is it takes a ton of work to look “ok” … I have no clue what it takes to deliver “amazing”. Once I was all lotion-ed up I went to NYC to interview a ton of bigshots and attend a few FOX related events.  When  I returned to our Philly newsroom my bosses and friends said I looked cute when I was working with the celebs.  But there is something they have not seen yet…

… working with these celebrities means working 20 hour days. I was on hour 17 when it was time to talk to Diddy and Fergie. What my bosses, friends and Rosa the hair stylist have not seen yet is that at one point I did quit trying to look good.  In the middle of the day I got so sick and tired of looking cute that I just gave up and put my hair in a damn ponytail.  Diddy appears to love the look … AM I RIGHT?

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Whatever Diddy, Fergie and I obviously bff’s now.

But, honestly, after I took this picture I felt terrible.  Like all that damn primping was a monster waste of time and money.  I wanted to just put on my jammies and order room service ( truffle fries obvi) and cry.

But, I didn’t.  I went back to my hotel and re-fixed myself up AGAIN.

I got back on track people !!

I can do this !!!

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I then took my re-glammed self back out and walked the Red Carpet for the Deadpool 2 premiere.  I re-glammed with some crap I found in the bottom of my purse and the hotel q-tips.  The dress selected by Alisa Frederico ( our station stylist) delivered a boost of confidence too.  I would have never picked this dress. I was worried about wearing it. I thought about NOT wearing it.  I’m not known for wearing sexy shit like this.  At the end of the 20 hours .. 4 outfits later, it was my favorite look of the day. Guess it’s time for me to re-examine my closet. (guess that’s AF is so popular in our newsroom)

The lesson? You (and me) can do this glamazon routine without going to 9 spas to have 14 treatments.  We can do this with the Pantene in the shower and the weird mask we bought last year at Sephora (it’s right there under your sink … I know it is)    Also, I wanted you guys to know that there is no super special hair and make-up team for all the girls you see on TV.  Some do have a squad , but, most of us do not.  We are finding talented help right in our own hood.  So, shave your legs. Seriously, shave them today. Throw on some self tanner and show those girls in carline that you are dead sexy !! You can do this … if I can EVERYONE can.

IT’S ADVENTURE TIME KIDS !!

CHEAP , SCARY & FUN !! That’s the kind of nonsense I like to drag my family into.

A few weeks ago, during Spring Break, we hit the Myakka State Park in Florida. Inside one of the rivers there were dozens of gators.  My Dad, husband and two kids were in there too! Yes, some people were at Disney. No, we are not that type of ‘family’.

Bottom line, this is the time of year for scaring the crap out of yourself and the kids !!  The weather is finally getting nice & no one is on vacation in these cool spots just yet.  State & County Parks have all the gear you need to rent and all the bugs and animals we all need to see.  Yes, I know it’s weird to encourage you guys to seek out gators and bugs. BUT, WHO ELSE IS GOING TO DO IT?? Go check out the sharks, dolphins and red fox too !!  This time last year my crew and our kids were walking and we literally found a horse farm tucked away into a neighbor’s property. INSANE, YES?

Seriously, you can drive just about an hour from any neighborhood and find this stuff.  You have to use common sense , of course, when you are dealing with gators and water sports.  But, even a bike ride through a deer infested field can give you a little thrill.  We all (me included) need to get off of our phones and back into the world around us.  A great challenge can make you feel like you are back in charge of your life.  Forget the Boss. Forget the friend across the street who just got a boob job & a new car.  The world is waiting for all of us to explore.

I do know that for some of you living in the Northeast a weekend trek to Southwest Florida is not exactly easy.  But, I am telling you there is plenty to see and do in your own backyard.  YOU WILL THANK ME IF YOU ACTUALLY GO TRY SOMETHING NEW.  That lady with the boob job will still be sitting around taking selfies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOST almost 3 POUNDS … even with the wine, vodka and beer !!

OK… so a lot of people have been checking in.  Typically they are checking in as I am pressing a drink to my lips or throwing some food in my belly WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE ??

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The truth is … it’s been about 3 weeks and I have lost 2 1/2 pounds .. almost 2 pounds !! I’ve stopped eating Cheetos at 10am.  Cut my gummy bear habit down to one serving ( like 15 gummys) twice a week and I am eating more veggies. I’m even eating those pre-mixed grocery store salads. I’m eating more veggies each day than I have in years … like since I was since I was preggers.

SPEAKING OF BEING PREGGERS. I ain’t but I was …

When we women get ‘knocked up’ we tend to follow all these rules. No wine. No sushi. No processed meat. WHY AREN’T WE DOING THAT AFTER THE BABY ??  Sure, you tried and hopefully succeeded in dropping that baby weight , but, you ( like me) probably ditched the diet when the baby started eating the good stuff. WE LOVE THE FRENCH FRIES, TATER TOTS, and CHICKEN NUGGETS the kids leave behind… right?  Well, put that crap in a to-go container and don’t touch it. DO NOT TOUCH IT !!

What else is working ?? I am avoiding the chips, pretzels and Oreos in the snack cabinet by eating a half or a whole yummy avocado with sea salt each afternoon. It’s 250 calories but it fills me up and it’s “healthy” fat.  Honestly, I am not eating too many carbs at all… especially at night. (except the vino)   Bottom line – I am not going too crazy I am just being consistent and… IT’S WOOOOOOOORKING.

TRUST THE PROCESS PEOPLE !! TRUST THE DAMN PROCESS …

I think the more weeks I am doing this – the easier it gets.  Love having you all here for the ride.

PUT THE CHIPS DOOOOOOOOOOWN.

TAKE YOUR KID TO WORK DAY? I HAVE SUGGESTIONS.

I love the idea, really, I do !! Take your daughter to work day. It’s now take your kid to work day. I LOVE THIS IDEA. But, why does it have to be during the school year? Kids have alllllll summer off.  We can’t bring them in then?  I’d love to skip the cost of a sitter and bring them in.  Plus, they won’t miss the school & sports stuff that is happening this time of year.

I will agree that if Mom or Dad is a teacher there should be an exception. But, 99 % of the kids who have parents who work are not teachers.  Don’t quote me on that percentage… I’m making this crap up as I type.

Another issue… I’d like all of the companies who have special stuff for the kids to do…  TO STOP DOING THAT !!  I am sick of hearing how BLANK company had a brunch and a merry go round for the kids to entertain them.  DO YOU HAVE A MERRY GO ROUND IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR OFFICE?  We do not. So, my kids are not interested in coming to my work.

I think the kiddos need to see the real stuff.  Sometimes, it’s boring. Sometimes we have to stay late. Meetings are boring. Charts, graphs, expense reports ARE BORING. I’d love to for them to see me get yelled at by my Boss. If we deliver a LEGO fueled fun day what’s the point??

So, here’s the deal. THE REAL REASON FOR THIS RANT.  It’s my kiddos…  You see, my kids are jerks. I work at a flippin’ TV STATION. My job is to interview celebrities and eat pizza. My daughter DOES NOT want to come to work with me??  Why? Our vending machines.  THEY SUCK.  Apparently, the vending machines at the software company where my husband works are amazing.  There is YORK peppermint patties and HERSHEY bars … several kinds.  We have pretzels and hummus.  My kids are not coming to work with me tomorrow.  If your kids are – GOOD LUCK.

CHARGE UP THE MERRY GO ROUND.  GET A BUCKET FULL OF CANDY. Candidly, I’m jealous.  I wish my daughter was interested in coming with me.  Some day she’ll see how cool my job can be.  On that day I might even walk her over to the CVS to get her all the candy she wants …

It’s 9:15 pm on a Friday …

5 Moms .. we had some drinks, some salad and it was time to pack it in.  At 9:15. On a Friday night.

AND THEN 50 CENT CAME ON …

Helloooooo Villanova College Bar – WE ARE HERE !!  We did not leave there until 11:45 !!  We danced like we were at a wedding. We laughed like we were at a comedy show.  Like an old school Eddie Murphy comedy show.  Have I mentioned that the crew I hang with goes from carline to dirty jokes in a … wait … sometimes we are telling dirty jokes IN CARLINE.

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Between lacrosse games and swim team practice my friends THESE INSANE WOMEN find a way to make time for each other.  That is the point of today’s post.  You need to find some friends that make you laugh so hard that your face hurts.  Then, you need to make time for those friends. We are so busy trying to be the perfect Mom… the perfect employee … the perfect wife and sometimes you just need to dance like no one is watching. Say stuff that would get you kicked out of Church. ( or carline)

As for the diet … I am still cruising along.  You saw that I ordered salad at a place known for wings, right?  It’s all about balance. Not giving up and giving in to those wings. I knew I was in that college bar to have some drinks. I had to choose those beers over wings. Can’t have both my friends.  Honestly, what I am finding is that the more I make the right choices when it comes to food, the easier it gets. YES I LOVE FRIES. But, I hate to look at the calories and fat that I see when I eat them or put them in the food log.

Some of my friends have asked if I have learned anything in the short time I have been trying to slim down. The answer is … I think so.  So far, the more I take the time to write down EVERYTHING I am eating the more I care.  I think I’ve mentioned I’m using the app my fitness pal.  My doctor recommended it years ago.  I didn’t listen.  It’s working… guess I have to say thanks to the doctor.

Finally – I have been taking pictures along the way.  That’s helping too.  SEEING what is happening or not happening ( week to week) is an eye-opener.  Have some fun this weekend. DANCE YOUR ASS OFF IF YOU GET THE CHANCE !! ( even in your own kitchen)

 

Official DAY ONE of OFFICIAL stupid dumb diet idea… today there is some swearing.

Freezing cold DID YOU SEE THE DATE? Literally snowing in Philly in freakin’ April.  I just got back from FL vacay.   Annnnd, I had to be at work at dumb stupid 3:30 am.  TOTAL BS!!!  I had to be in CAPE MAY by 5:45 am during a damn stupid pain in the ass snow storm.

 

 

So, I drank a ton of coffee.  Then, I had New England clam chowder at 10 am. It was like lunch time for me… I was in a NJ shore town OK?? Good News: I did not eat the damn homemade awesome looking strawberry shortcake that I found when I arrived back in the newsroom. That’s a major victory for me , OK? I had to catch up on work stuff , so, I stayed at work til 2 pm…  long day yes?

Came home.  Ready for a major nap. Sooooo ready for that nap. Took an 11 minute nap because kid #1 forgot his Lacrosse stick and needed it for practice. So, like a hired hand … I spring into service to the 7th grader. (these kids have phones why can they multi task?)  I BORROWED (stole) A LACROSSE STICK from my friend who is an athletic director at a nearby school.  DROPPED THE STICK AT 7th grade Lacrosse. (kiddo did say thanks so I will allow him to live) NAP NOW? Hell no. Off to Picked up 3rd graders and drop them at gymnastics. Grocery shopped. (It’s like I’m a single Mom but I’m not ) walked FAST while I talked to my buddies WHO WENT TO A PRIVATE GATED HOME IN MEXICO for 30 minutes. (That was my exercise today) Drove 3rd graders back home and ate grilled chicken etc Zoe’s takeout. NOT DONE YET.  Noooooooooooo… Food prepped for Tuesday. SO HELL YEAH I HAD A GLASS OF 🍷 tonight.  Today was an insane day but my fitness pal app says I came in with less than 1200 calories.  I am calling today a win and I am headed to bed.. Hopefully I can sleep for longer than 11 damn stupid minutes. Waking up early sucks … it’s the worst part of my job.